Every year my lovely wife and I give a presentation at our local medical college. Her OB is a teacher there and the dude knows pregnancy inside and out. We, after one happy, healthy little girl, began the difficult task of finding our way through life after miscarriages (yes, plural). When all was said and done, our doc asked if we’d like to share our story to his students so they could see the human side of miscarriage. They’ll all be fluent in the clinical part; what to explain, what to offer, what the potential causes may have been. Knowing what to say to a parent who just lost a pregnancy is something completely different.
A couple who are experience a miscarriage are experiencing the loss of a child. Is it the same as the loss of a child at age 1, 10, 40? Is it the same as a late term stillbirth? I don’t know. I know there was a positive pregnancy test and a baby book for each of ours. I know we’d discussed names and made wishful plans with friends (“Ooooh! Your baby to be, and ours will be almost the same age! That’ll be so cool for them!!!”) In an instant all that is taken away.
I’m going to take a few posts and share with you what we share with the class. I’m not posting this for sorry, pity or likes; I’m posting this to be shared with those who may go through this as well, to be learned from…what to say and what not to say….and most importantly, to give some direction where we had so little.