Miscarriage one behind us, it was time to try for Gowden Child #2 again. Come early January, sure enough…there was a positive pregnancy test. Celebration all around…but a little muted this time. We felt optimistic and things were good….till they weren’t.
Heidi was accepted into the EAGeR study. It was the study of aspirin on the effects birth rates. They were checking to see if a baby aspirin could help with conception. Apparently, it didn’t hurt.
Something you have to know about my wife. She knows her cycle. Open her calendar and there’s little dots every couple of weeks. ‘Hon, what are there little periods for…OOOOOHHHHH!!!!” So, she KNEW when she was due and when to test. She also called our doc. He ordered the hCG bloodwork and the first couple of results came back. Low…but not terrible. And not quite doubling every 24 hours like they’re supposed to. Heidi remained a pin cushion for a few more days and it became obvious, her numbers were not tracking the way they should and something was wrong.
Onto another ultrasound….and another empty sac. WTF!??!?!?!!? REALLY??????
This one was quick. It’s funny, we went out for our friend’s (who was still pregnant) husband’s 40th birthday that weekend and drank like fish. Like…some serious liver damage because we were angry and sad and just didn’t care. Heidi felt strange because technically she was still pregnant and you’re not supposed to drink…especially the way we were, but come Monday, the pregnancy would be over and it’s not like she was going to do any more damage!!!
This is called Wandering the Wilds for a reason. We found ourselves in so many situations we just weren’t prepared for. A positive pregnancy test for most couples trying to have a family is a joyous celebration. For us, now “that’s great…lets get another hour of sleep and hopefully this one will work out.” When do you tell people? We’ve kinda’ cried wolf twice…and we know it’s a bummer when we have to tell you things ended badly. Oh, and in the absence of information and explanations, you kinda’ create your own. “Maybe we shouldn’t put the laptops on our laps anymore?” “Maybe we should take this (or that) vitamin.” Then there’s the joke that she flunked out of the EAGeR study!
Let me pause here for some mad props to my Heidi. The D&E was on Monday and on Tuesday, Giada was taken the hospital with respiratory infection. I was at work all day (our choice…I could have taken the time,) and that left Heidi to hang out at the hospital for 4 days and carry the burden of the situation…48 hours after another dreadful experience. Her strength has never ceased to amaze me.
That’s something I want to close with. Life goes on, regardless of how you feel here. Had we experienced the loss of living, breathing child (God forbid), would we have had the discussion about me going to work while G was in the hospital? Would she have been alone at all in the hospital or would the family have swarmed in, making sure her needs were being met? Mind you, we weren’t forgotten; our families have always been supportive. But there’s just something different about this.
To be continued……